Ones, twos and using the loo
The Burnie bathroom has been a hive of activity for ‘intensive toilet training’.
Ones, twos and using the loo

Call me a drama queen, but I’ve been quite scared of toilet training. I will never forget learning in sixth form Psychology how shrinks link a person’s toilet training to psychological problems later in life. I’ll never know why this weird little titbit stuck in my mind, since I’ve forgotten almost everything I learned at 16.

Henry’s still in nappies because I was adamant I wouldn’t force the issue, despite my husband nagging me (nice bit of role reversal there) to give it a go for months. I wanted H-Bomb to show signs of readiness first so it wouldn’t feel like an endless battle. Then the loo situ changed quite dramatically in just one weekend.

Tim was changing the little dude and explaining how some ‘big boys’ he knows use the toilet. Three influential names were mentioned – George, Arlo, Thomas – and suddenly we had a keen bean heading straight for the loo for successful, yet casual, number twos! While Henry sat there beaming, his two lunatic parents went totally ape-shit, clapping and high-fiving and giving him congratulatory hugs.

Since then the Burnie bathroom has been a hive of activity, sparking the husband and I to put a whole weekend aside for some ‘intensive toilet training’. Here are some signs we think the little guy is ready:

  • He no longer changes the subject when the toilet is mentioned. He used to get quite the eye glaze going and pick something – anything – to talk about other than THAT. Now we get an interested eyebrow raise and the distinct idea that he is open for negotiation on the toilet vs nappy debate.
  • A somewhat disturbing new interest in behaving as ‘toilet attendant’ whenever I go. It’s cute but somehow I won’t miss having a toddler standing behind me, finger on the flush button, inquiring as to whether I’ve finished doing my business. This is especially problematic when he flushes before I’ve stood up.
  • He suddenly understands the link between the jar of Jelly Beans and his bathroom habits. Now I spend half my day going through the soap opera that is his attempt to get a lolly. Give this kid an Oscar because he goes super ‘method’ with his performance, attempting to fake the tinkle sound, pretending he sees the wee in there, wiping his totally dry wiener and flushing away absolutely nothing, before demanding an ‘ogange lolly please’. He can’t say orange – it’s adorable.
  • Forget our TV. There’s a new hot spot in the house getting aaaaall the attention. Often I’ll find him standing on his toilet stool, bent over the seat with his face disgustingly close to the bowl, muttering things like “Poooooooo, where are you?” Cute, but by God I need to start cleaning the toilet more often.

All in all, we think he might be ready for ‘3 Day Potty Training’ by the self-proclaimed queen of it, Lora Jensen. Apparently you can start on Friday and be done by Sunday and a couple of friends have had great success with her method, with kids even younger than Henry. Tune in next Monday for tales of toilet training wonderfully mastered. Here’s hoping!


This blog was written by Kelly Burnie who blogs at My Lucky Stars


My name’s Kelly and I am a 32 year old former journalist with two kids, one husband and a little house in the suburbs in Auckland, New Zealand. I love raising rascals but I’m not the perfect mum and my wee ones are hardly angels. Sometimes the two-year-old watches TV, sometimes we give him junk food. It’s a shocking tale, but one I just have to share with you because I think parenting has gotten a little serious lately. I reckon it’s okay to admit your kid doesn’t stick to a sleep schedule, or that they almost made you cry in the supermarket or that one day when you weren’t looking the baby ate an unknown number of cat biscuits.


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