How to fake clean your house in 15 minutes
How to fake clean your house in 15 minutes

Why do unexpected guests always announce they’re 15 minutes away when your house has reached chaos crisis level? Why doesn’t anybody turn up when the place is looking pristine with everything in its place?

Whatever the case, it has happened again and it’s time for emergency damage control. Here’s how to get your place looking fake immaculate in 15 minutes.

1. Fragrance fixer

fragrance-reeds

If you have fragrance reeds, up-end them to release their scent. If you have a scented candle, light it.

By the time your guests arrive, your house will smell fresh and perhaps blind them to any cleaning you may have missed.

Time spent: 30 seconds.

2. The basket bung

laundry-basket

Nothing makes a house look messier than clutter. Grab a laundry basket or a sack and chuck everything in there. Don’t worry about putting it away, just bung it in. Hide it somewhere like the laundry, spare room or garage, wherever visitors are unlikely to look.

If you have children and/or a partner, put them to work shovelling all their possessions into the basket or, better yet, into their bedrooms and out of sight.

Have practice drills and make it a game to see who can get all their stuff away the fastest. Kids love a bit of healthy competition.

Time spent: three minutes.

2. Skip to the loo

toilet-bowl

Grab your bleach, toilet duck or weapon of choice and bolt to the loo and give it a good squirt. Leave the toilet to clean itself for a mo while you scuttle elsewhere. Trust me, there’s nothing worse than a visitor asking to use the bathroom when you know the toilet may have a few ‘visitors’ of its own, if you catch my euphemistic drift.

Time spent: 30 seconds.

3. Living room: Less living, more room

living-room-clean

Focus on the room where you’ll be spending the most time – probably the living room.

Grab a damp cloth and hastily wipe all surfaces, working from left to right, tidying up any leftover bits and bobs, putting cushions in a neat formation, placing the remotes in a neat line etc. Use a hand-held vacuum cleaner or dustpan and brush to remove any obvious crumbs/dirt, etc from the floor.

Time spent: three minutes.

 

4. Fixing the kitchen

dirty-dishes

Run to the kitchen! If you have an open plan kitchen/living room or an eat-in kitchen where you’ll be spending the most time with guests, make the kitchen your first cleaning port of call.

Fill sink with hot soapy water. While it’s filling, empty the dishwasher and fill it again. Place everything that can’t go into the dishwasher in the sink.

If you can come back and finish off these dishes before your guests arrive, then great, but if not, at least it will look like they’re interrupting you hard at work. Swiftly wipe all visible surfaces with a cloth and household spray (or disposable cleaning wipes).

Time spent: six minutes.

5. Bathroom blitz

mirror-clean

Dash back to the bathroom with your disinfecting wipes or cleaning cloth and all-purpose spray in hand.

Wipe down all surfaces quickly, followed by the mirror. Having glimpsed your reflection you may require a 30 second break to apply lipstick.

Make sure there is hand soap, a hand towel and toilet paper accessible. Finally, give the toilet a swift brush and flush.

Time spent: two minutes.

 7. And the rest

If you’ve finished all of the above and your guests still haven’t arrived, finish washing your dishes, then dry them and keep doing small chores until they arrive, focusing only on rooms they will see.

Maybe do a hasty vacuum, run around with a bin liner and empty all the bins, straighten up ornaments, photos, books, magazines.

Now, take a deep breath, relax and enjoy a cuppa, you’ve earned it.

This article was written by Zoe Meunier for Kidspot.com.au and has been adapted for Kidspot.co.nz

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