Don't tell me I'm too old!

At what age should you put away the skinny jeans? Are you past your prime for nightclubbing and festivals? According to a survey carried out recently in the UK by Retire Savvy, there are quite startling expectations that people have when it comes to age. The poll asked 2,000 people for their opinions on the age that certain things become 'inappropriate'.

If there's one thing I've learnt in my numerous years on this planet, it is that once you get to around 30 something, you really don't give a toss what others think. In fact, it's a pity that it takes us this long to reach that epiphany (and if you haven't yet, don't worry, your time will come). The whole "letter to my 16 year old self" becomes a lot less judgemental once you're pushing middle age!

The survey doesn't reveal the age of those sharing their views. Not that it matters. None of it matters. You are, after all, as young as you feel - which a clear majority of those taking part in the survey actually agreed with!

But without further procrastination (because none of us are getting any younger here ... ), here are the results of the survey with my thoughts as someone who has 'been there, done that and bought the t-shirt though I only wear it as a nightshirt now':

Age 34: Stop taking selfies.

J: This one is completely wrong. You should never take selfies. Never. Get out of the way and take a photo of the world around you, your friends, your family, your kids. Just get out of the darn shot!

Age 36: Don't text chat. You should no longer have a favourite boy band.

J: I'm assuming this is talking about text speak. I can't stop that because I didn't start. Soz, bt me no gttn n e centz owt ov dis!

J: As for the boy band ... you shouldn't have a favourite, you should love them all like your own children. Because I guarantee the whole time I'm watching the latest music video I'm wondering if they should pop their shirt back on because they'll catch cold and for goodness sake, pull those pants up or you'll trip!

Age 38: Stop having belly button piercings and tattoos. Do not get drunk in public.

J: How exactly do you STOP having a tattoo? So, age 37 - check out my tats! Age 38, I have to remove my tattoos now?

J: No getting drunk in public ... well there's not much fun in getting drunk in private! In fact, I think they class that as a problem.

Age 39: Don't wear a mini skirt.

J: Heck, I don't even know if I still own a SKIRT.

Age 40: Stop having boys and girls holidays away, and you should no longer go to Ibiza.

J: STOP?! No, no, no, this is the time to START! The kids are growing up, you finally get a bit of freedom - grab that and run with it ... all the way to Ibiza. Or somewhere a bit closer. I mean, that long flight would play havoc with your varicose veins.

Age 42: You should no longer wear a football shirt.

J: Depends on the shirt really. Warriors fans should have stopped wearing theirs back in 2003.

Age 43: Stop buying the latest gadgets. Don't wear leggings.

J: I've just started buying gadgets. Like my blood pressure monitor and that thingamy that helps me get the lid off jars with my arthritic hand. But seriously, the kids love it when I break out my bluetooth wireless speaker and rock out Footloose at full volume anywhere we go. ANYWHERE ...

Age 44: Stop going to nightclubs

J: Agreed. There's no way you can afford the entry fee, let alone one drink. Recreate those nightclub memories by tip-toeing into the kids room after dark, standing on a Lego and hopping around for five minutes screeching while the kids laugh at 'funny mummy'.

Age 45: Stop going to festivals

J: Yes, agreed. Loud noise, lack of sleep, soaked through, probably vomited on, people wide awake in the middle of the night ... if I wanted that I'd have another baby.

Age 46: Stop wearing a bikini. Cut your hair shorter.

J: I couldn't tell if this was one thing. If you need to cut your 'hair' shorter you probably should stop wearing that bikini and go full wetsuit.

Age 47: You shouldn't wear skinny jeans.

J: Don't tell me I can't wear skinny jeans! I know I can't wear skinny jeans. My hips know I can't wear skinny jeans. My love handles know, my thighs know ...

Age 49: Stop wearing trainers

J: But ... what? Stilettos or crocs it is then!


This article was written by Julie Scanlon, Editor for Kidspot NZ.

Sources include RetireSavvy

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